Awakening Into the Wholeness that is YOU
Remembering What Was Never Lost
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Live outside the tangle of fear thinking,
live in silence…… Why do you stay in prison
When the door is wide open? — Rumi
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“WE ALREADY HAVE everything we need. There is no need for self-improvement. All these trips that we lay on ourselves—the heavy-duty fearing that we’re bad and hoping that we’re good, the identities that we so dearly cling to, the rage, the jealousy and the addictions of all kinds—never touch our basic wealth. They are like clouds that temporarily block the sun. But all the time our warmth and brilliance are right here. This is who we really are. We are one blink of an eye away from being fully awake.”
― Pema Chödrön, Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living
Only to the white man was nature a wilderness and only to him was the land ‘infested’ with ‘wild’ animals and ‘savage’ people. To us it was tame, Earth was bountiful and we were surrounded with the blessing of the Great Mystery.
Black Elk, Oglala, Lakota Sioux
Fragmentation is not merely a psychological event, nor merely a social event. It is one movement expressing itself inwardly as the conditioned self and outwardly as civilization. Healing and awakening are therefore not separate journeys. As awareness, relationship, and inquiry make fragmentation transparent, Wholeness naturally reveals itself.
Dearest reader,
I hope these pages guide you back to the beautiful infinity within yourself and to the Wholeness that you already embody. Above all, I hope they help you recognize that another way of living is possible—one grounded in peace, love, and ecological harmony, for you and for all your human and animal kin.
I was nineteen when I picked up Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee in my college dormitory library. I could not put it down. Until then, I had never questioned the account of our history I had been taught, nor had I imagined another way to understand what it means to be human. As I read, I found myself grieving the brutality inflicted upon Indigenous peoples while becoming deeply moved by the beauty of their ways of life—in community, in relationship with the Earth, and with one another.
I often closed the book simply to sit quietly with what I had read. Upon finishing, I returned to the library in search of more. That search eventually led me to the histories, philosophies, and lifeways of many Indigenous cultures. Time and again, I encountered a simple yet profound understanding: human beings are not separate from the living world. One passage about the Lakota has remained with me ever since.
The bringing up of Dakota children was such that they grew up to feel that they were part of nature, or relatives of all things, to feel that "there was no complete solitude," because, wherever they were, they were with their relatives—the rocks, the trees, the wind. They grew to feel, as Standing Bear put it, "...that we are of the soil and the soil is of us. We love the birds and beasts that grew with us on this soil. They drank the same water and breathed the same air. We are all one in nature." Responsibility toward the buffalo, reluctance to kill wantonly, to waste any of the products of nature, stemmed from this feeling of relatedness and mutuality. "I was only a part of everything that was called the world," recalled Standing Bear.
— Dorothy Lee, Freedom and Culture
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I found myself by the Winooski on this early morning.
The sky was a brilliant blue, and white clouds drifted overhead. Swollen by spring rains, the Winooski River carried a soft green hue. Two pairs of common mergansers floated effortlessly with the current, occasionally diving beneath the surface in search of fish. There was no urgency and nowhere else to be. Everything moved in quiet coordination, while stillness remained beneath it all. Sitting there, I remembered why I keep coming back to places like this. I watched the river flow; I once again became aware of a quiet presence—difficult to describe, yet impossible to ignore. People have called it God, Tao, Truth, and many other names. Throughout this memoir, I will call it Wholeness.
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walking slowly
I gazed at this fractaling tree
gazed while shifting light
and shadow danced together
the tree wasn’t a tree
was beyond all the textures and contours
and was intertwined with the entire universe
everything is nothing
nothing is everything
forms are emptiness
emptiness are forms
interwoven within Indra’s web
here
present
in wonder
the dreaming mind
is quiet and still
here
love is uncontained
there is nowhere to go
for there is no self
to get anywhere
there is just now
stop here
in this immaculate presence
here is isness
vast and endless
eternal
without separation
here one
sees that there are no enemies
nor duality
here one sees
that in this presence
in this wonder
in this wholeness
one would stop the warring
the divisions
the conditioned
enculturated thoughting
that projects itself
upon the canvas of the world
one would see
that the belief in separation
sprouts fear and insecurity
sprouts all the issues
birthing
hierarchy, oppression and enemies
I understood that
from this ignorance
is the death of wonder
branching
into illusory fragmentation
sprouting the shards of
hate and ignorance
power and greed
deception, manipulation
numbness and despair
poverty and wealth
I understood
that this perpetual taking
produces violence and sorrow
I was clear
and understood
that I need not
buy into this system
need not participate
and can let go of
my role of sorrow
my conditioned shard of
enculturated illusion
and that I must look within
somehow I knew
that to
stop here
was diving into presence
for here is where one can see
that I can let go
of the
illusionary divisions
it is not in the past
nor the future that
will create any transformation or revolution
for the future is the projected past
I let go
only Now
only Now
only Now
I let go
awareness
I let go
without trying
without labeling
without thoughting
I stopped
paused
observed
without reacting
without changing
without concentration
without fighting
I flowed into what is
and let go into
awareness
and in that
I began to
let go into the I am
beyond thought
still
quiet beyond quiet
no thoughting
not separate
but whole
in love
one felt love flow
everywhere
flowing through all
as true love has no conditions
and holds no bounds
a love
that flows like light
all that was
left was wholeness
in love
in the only reality
which is
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here one sits
nowhere to go
as a soft, silent sky
spreads into
an uncontained stillness
one looks at the lake
while a fiery mirror reflects
a vast burning sky
into this
isness
dances
lightness blossoms
all is Wholeness
here
one is listening
thought stops
the world crashes
distorted ripples
smooth into clarity
here
it is so simple
yet it is also
a paradox
just be
without trying
ground into
the here and now
without trying
stop here
breakthrough
the cultural matrix
be still for a moment
and let love shine through
Love
in this unconditioned Wholeness
hate dissolves
separation dissolves
fear dissolves
nothing to become
nowhere to be
but here
listening in wonder
no wealth can come close
to the immeasurable sweetness
of walking through these cathedrals of woods
-
here I am connected
without try
coherent within
their mysticism
I can’t help
but flow
in love
———
Here,
it is easy to see
diversity is strength
all is included
birth and death
one circle
and so it is with us
no individual success
can come close
to the depth of community health and ecological connection
violence will never solve anything
but perpetuate more violence
hate begets hate
fear and insecurity
perpetuate fragmentation and division
all illusions conditioned into us
a running busyness
that chains one
to the role one plays
the only way out
is in
the only way in
is to stop
to pause
awareness to see
false
and in this
is the letting go
no doing
no trying
just letting be
what is
here,
one flows into stillness
flowing into love
flowing into love
